At The End Of My Rope… The Saga Of A Depressed Leader

On October 27, 2015

At The End Of My Rope… The Saga Of A Depressed Leader

Ever felt like you were at the end of your rope in your finances, business, relationships, or some area of your life?

Or if that is a little too Hollywood dramatic…

Ever felt like:

  • You have tapped out your potential?
  • You’ve hit a glass ceiling?
  • You can’t breakthrough barriers?
  • You’re stuck?

That’s where I was for the last 6 to 9 months.

I tried to self-diagnose, but I was just stuck.  So I called out the big guns…

#1 – My Very, Very, Very Big, Tall, Ex-Cop Counselor (Yeah, I know… I was scared too.  Still am.)
#2 – A Zen-Esque Business Coach

Yes, I am a grown man that goes to counseling & I love it.  I think everyone should go because they can see through people like Superman’s X-ray vision.  Man, I miss Christopher Reeves.  That guy was the best superman, hands down!

Interested in learning how to get a mentor in your life to help you breakthrough? Download my free checklist How To Land The Mentor Of Your Dreams to help you get to the next level in your life and business.

Okay, back to this business stuff…

My Zen-Esque Business Coach cost me more than I’ve ever paid for anything in a day.  For a single day of coaching, I paid about 75% of what my car cost me that I currently drive.

Why am I telling you this saga?  Hold on impatient people… It’s coming… And it’s yummy… It will help you, but just stay with me… I’m here… Are you?

So……

My counselor has dug into my family of origin and dug up some things I BELIEVE ABOUT MYSELF.

These are called Core Beliefs.

Core Beliefs are developed between the ages of 6-10, and from what he told me, as you get older, if you are in a healthy environment, you lose the false beliefs (like Santa is real) & you develop more mature beliefs.

As we grow we shed our beliefs like a snake sheds its skin.

If you grow up in an unhealthy environment, you end up keeping some of your false core beliefs and these will drive your behavior.

As an adult I was living out a couple of false beliefs that were detrimental to my growth as a person & leader.

This is what was in my head… I heard voices saying…

  • “Your best days are behind you”
  • “You got lucky”
  • “Nobody really wants you; they tolerate you.”
  • “You suck”
  • “Hold on to what you have because the famine is coming”
  • “You better perform today; if not it will fall apart”
  • “______________ (fill in name) is going to leave you.”

Fear. Fear. Fear.

Yeah, reading this… You might be like, “Well, that’s not a big deal.  Those are just fears; you should just get over it.”

Well…

Here is point number 1 that came from my Zen-Esque Business Coach:

1. You can’t self diagnose

Until two weeks ago, I thought I had a leadership problem.  Reality is I didn’t have a leadership problem; I had a mental problem.  I hadn’t just bought in to the fear, I was being driven by it.  So instead of being bold & courageous, I was timid & depressed.

For the last few months, I shrunk back.

Ever done that?  Ever been ridden with fear to the point of paralysis?

If you are leading…. You will sometimes feel this & it’s easy to say, “Just keep pushing”. But sometimes that isn’t good enough.

Zen Coach & Ex-Cop Counselor showed me myself from the inside out & in an instant, I felt a breakthrough.

2.  Breakthrough happens in an instant

In my life, I have come to this point about 5 different times.  Each time, the breakthrough came the same way:

  • I was in a learning environment (coach, reading, mentor or counselor)”When the student is ready the teacher appears.” Howard Hendrix said that.  Welp, what gets me ready is pain.  Just dagum pain.  When it hurts so bad, I reach out.  I buy that ticket to an event, I hire the coach, I schedule lunch with the mentor.  Maybe you can do this better than me, but I just can’t.
  • I paid to be thereAll but one of my breakthroughs have come when I was paying money to be there.  One of them was completely spiritual & unexplainable.  The rest were when I was seeking answers and money had left my pocket.I think when money leaves our pocket, it’s a sign that we are truly ready to change.
  • I told the truth about where I was & let my guard downIn both environments, I just told them exactly where I was & what I had been doing in my life.  I spared no detail.  This is probably the absolute hardest thing for me to do.  Deep down, I’m a sales guy.  I sell businesses, products, companies, etc… But the two men I’ve paid to help I hired for one reason…  They see through the bull crap.  They ask the questions so deeply that the only way out is to just leave.  Leave or tell the truth.I share this because breakthrough happened in an instant.  There was the moment where I heard something I needed to hear that changed everything forever.

Within the last week, I broke through.

I am stepping out of my beliefs about myself that are false & stepping into the truth & not feeling bad about it.

Here is my question for you, when is the last time you had a pivotal breakthrough?  I mean like next level stuff?

Are you tired of the pain?  Are you tired of being stuck?  Do you want to wake up with the same relationship 5 years from now as you have now?  Do you want to have the same bank account balance month after month?  I mean come on, it’s time to take action.

Breakthrough happens in an instant & usually when the above three things are at play.

3. TAKE ACTION NOW (It will not get better with time)

I waited too long.  Six to nine months of being miserable is no way to live.  I wasn’t miserable with everything in my life, just felt like I was out of sync with my core purpose.  I felt like Bernie from the amazing movie Weekend At Bernie’s.

A dead man hanging around that everyone thought was okay.

You can just limp through life not living your full purpose or you can step up into your destiny right this second.

I waited and I regret it.

Here was the cool thing that happened when my Zen-esque Coach got into my soul…

I thought I needed a new direction.  I thought new was the answer.  That’s what stuck people think.  We think if we can get a new relationship, business, product, etc, then everything will be better.

He helped me see that everything I already have around me & in me is all I need.  I don’t need new direction; I need new courage to step out & be who I am.

I’ve been telling myself and the world the same ol’ story for years… “I’m a good ole’ boy from ‘bama that made it off some hard work & luck.”  I kinda played the “awe shucks” role & discredited my gifts.

I have a very hard time writing this because I know it could come off conceited, but I have just beat myself up for so long that I accepted I truly was that story.

The story I told myself kept me stuck.

So, I know this for a fact…

You are telling yourself a story.  The tapes are playing in the background of your life & they are driving every action you take (or don’t take).

If you do not take action & get help from someone further along, you will wander in the wilderness of mediocre living for years to come.

If you are still reading this incredibly long letter, today is the day.

Action creates traction.  I’ve said that for years & still believe it, but I didn’t live it for the last few months.

But hey, I’m human.  I mess up a lot.  But that’s over.  It’s a new day for me & could be for you.

Let me share my real results with you from the last 7 days.

1. I’ve made $20,000 in side income by helping entrepreneurs
2. I’ve made a real estate investment that’s a homerun
3. I’ve made an offer on our dream farm that’s 121 acres in North GA
4. I’ve said I am sorry to some relationships that have suffered because I was stuck
5. I’ve got my training program down to start training for the Crossfit Open next spring

All in a week.  And my gift back to the world is to help others experience what I’ve experienced.  Building a 3-peating INC 5000 company, investing in real estate on the side, & selling 2 businesses is at your figure tips.

To help you discover your own mentors, I’ve put together a simple checklist: How To The Mentor Of Your Dreams. It walks you through the steps of finding the right mentor and asking them to be a part of your life to help you break through in your business and personal life. Click here to download it and start breaking through!

 

 

 

  • By caseygraham  2 Comments   

    2 Comments

    Posted by Marshawn on
    • Nov 14 2015
    Reply  
    Awesome post Casey. This is what's missing in the leadership space....authenticity. This is why you're one of my favorites. The thing about growth is that no one grooms you for it - you have to put yourself in position to get next level support when you operate at the next level. I know you're the truth.com!
    Posted by Brian Pierce on
    • Jun 29 2016
    Reply  
    Great post Casey! Being truly vulnerable is difficult, especially in today's society where success is measured by achievements and money. I think it is very common for people to be "stuck" as you put it, and I know at times I have even felt that way. Thanks for the encouragement and direction! Let's catch up soon and grab lunch.

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